SERIOUS CLOWN HEAD

I thought clowns were meant to be funny! It's really annoying though - the ones I've hunted and hung the heads of on my wall, well, they all look truly miserable!

"You are blocking the approach road to my soul!" moaned one as I sat one evening sipping Cognac.

I went to the garage to fetch some masking tape. "That'll shut you up", I thought. But I forgot, the most miserable one of the LOT was in there - you know, the one who looks like a pigeon eating a caramel chocolate bar. You'd think that this, in itself, might cheer it up, but oh no - "the end doth cometh soon" came his maudlin voice. This was getting too much. And the female clown head I had collected back in Lagos, well, SHE was the most serious clown head of all... "We are like the dreamer", she would say, "who dreams, and then lives in the dream." It would make me think, and as anyone who knows me knows, I don't LIKE thinking. "For God's sake, entertain me!", I cried, dropping to my knees, "tell me a joke! Throw a pie!" I was forgetting, of course, that they were just heads. In the end, I came up with an ingenious idea. The female clown had a LOT of hair, so I turned her upside down and TA-DAH! No more sad face - it was now an old man with a beard...a LONG beard, and, what's more, that glum face is now smiling happily at me, below a couple of golf balls that I have painted with eyes and an out of date carrot for a nose.

The police are here now, and they LOVE this clown head. I don't think they're on to me just yet...