The Man-Eating Chocolate Bar is a terrible production. Maybe it's a film, maybe it's a TV programme, or maybe it's real. Either way, it's terrible.
"I've been looking at The Man-Eating Chocolate Bar for two hours, and I still can't work out if I'm reading a book or watching a film. But whichever it is, it's the worst thing I've ever seen," said TV critic Harry Esposito.
"It's clearly a sculpture," said Prunella Vansittart, of the Times, "but in theatrical form. I've never seen a worse example."
"I'm all for innovation," wrote Veronica Hausenfluck of the Herald and Tribune, "but The Man-Eating Chocolate Bar, a kind of interactive ballad in blank verse, gave me a headache that still hasn't faded after nearly a week. Avoid."
'"It's funny, looking back now, that a Napoleonic war memorial could have caused such confusion, and it is rightly heralded these days as a work of art. Nobody sneezes anymore, and quite frankly it was indecipherable in the main outset, so not particularly, if you like." Obviously that was one of the more positive ones, from Gathering Moss.
"The Man-Eating Chocolate Bar, a sort of woollen Parthenon in the form of an interpretive dance, is only audible on cold days. When temperatures rise above sixty degrees, however, it looms over the city like a basking shark made of faint smells, Old Spice, lavender, static electricity. It has blighted this city for too long, and I myself signed the order for it to be torn down. When the workmen arrived, however, none of them could see it, and the only sign of its existence was a faint keening. Their pick-axes glanced off its surface like custard apples through a rubber breeze." - Al Gordon, Mayor.
"Woof" said the Man-Eating Chocolate Bar. What was it, exactly?
The city is gone now, naught but dust in the wind. Its people are merely a memory. But the Man-Eating Chocolate Bar remains, a thousand times taller than an aeon, broader than the strongest smell, bolder and louder than the secret thoughts of a randy moose. The Man-Eating Chocolate Bar is not going away. The Man-Eating Chocolate Bar is here to stay.
"For Sale: Man-Eating Chocolate Bar. One previous owner. GSOH. £45 ono. Please apply within."
0 comments:
Post a Comment